Rage of redwulf

17/6/05

Well.. nothing special happen today.. hmm today once again nid shout to whole class.. Stressed sia..sometimes will instantly 4get wat I wanna say den get tongue tied.. today wanna sat objection den say ob”cess”ion.. WaBaBaa..Lao tok to class like nid to position correctly like centre den must project the voice till every1 can hear..den tokin also dunno can look at hu..dey say must haf gd eye contact wif every1 but keep rollin eyeballs to c every1 like weird leh..didn’t pay attention on tips fer presentation in the past.. if I overlooked any pt den if sum tik I biased or not serious or watever stuff dat sux, dat would b bad.. Wells anyways today I noe im helping to b in charge for class chalet at end of dis sem.. being a CMI person, I believe in teamwork n cooperation.. every advices n suggestions fer improvements, comments n complains etc frm any1 is important well I may not b dat tall so wont b so outstandin among crowds.. but im fat n haf a big loud mouth so can hear mi nearby ba.. derefore I aint hard to find.. anything can say to mi 1 pls do..k leave dat aside fer now..It aint the main reason im writin dis entry..

Some say ppl write stuffs on blog to vent out frustration.. well im gonna try it though im already calm now but nxt part im gonna sound pathetic n stupid insane or mad n angry.. dis my blog.. its fer mi not others so I dun care.. im gonna b childish for dis part of time..

Yesterday morning, I heard wat I had feared most ever since I became sensible is gonna happen.. I cried helplessly.. I didn’t wanna look into the mirror to c my pathetic face..I tried to stop cryin but as I hold my tears, I end up suffocated den take deep breaths n tears flow dwn again.. man I sound gay but watta heck..Now dey say not confirmed yet and all the blah blah blah n dah..den every1 appear normal.. mayb deres still hope but.. it will happen anyways.. no matter how long I wont b able to prepare for it n I never gonna try to..

I noe dat man wont b seeing dis so im gonna write some crap dat I would wanna shout when the time comes.. but I noe I wont..cos im acowrd.. damn u givin me a smile while u sufferin.. only make me feel worse..U always ignored wat I said n now I cant help anything.. damn u r makin me useless I hatee it.. WTF haven repaid u anything yet so dun u dare hide away.. Wat bout the damn promise huh? Wat bout all the future crap u tot bout huh..Now deres still time but how ya wan mi to face u? im gonna act normal as if I didn’t care.. dun expect mi to feel sorry for u cos I respect u..arrgh but dun worry I aint gonna waste anything.. u may not b proud of weakling me but im gonna survive anyways wif a damn big happy face doing things my way working out things jus like dat.. damn u

Baa it aint working.. aint feelin any better at all.. well least im still fine now..still the BIG Banana..